The Shadow of Doubt

Alicia Bautista


Doubt is a natural part of every person’s life, right? Or maybe, it was just a big part of my life for many years. I doubted God, and His plan for me, including my marriage and my first child. My marriage was far from a fairytale. I felt like God chose me to walk a difficult path, and unlike Mary, it wasn’t for my bravery or love and devotion to God. We know the angel Gabriel visited Mary to bring her the news of God’s plan. She would conceive and give birth; even though, she wasn’t married and still a virgin. She would soon embark on a life-changing journey.

The angel answered and said to her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; and for that reason, the holy Child shall be called the Son of God. - Luke 1:35

My husband and I conceived our oldest child before we were married. I wasn’t even sure if marriage or having a family was what I wanted. Shortly after we had our daughter, my husband began having an affair. I was already doubting the path I was on, but after finding out my husband was having an affair, I was questioning everything. Why would God allow this to happen to me? Is it because I had our daughter out of wedlock? Dumb, I know! But, when you are knocked down, Satan knows exactly what to whisper in your ear to try and keep you down. Joseph doubted Mary when she told him that she was pregnant with the Son of God, but Joseph stayed by Mary’s side through that uncertain time. When my husband traveled all the way to California, fighting for his family and hoping to bring me home, I doubted him through that uncertain time, but thought, “Hey, I’ll give it a try for our daughter.” It was silly to think I could try to make our relationship work for our daughter. It wasn’t until I fully gave my fears and doubts over to God and asked Him to help me trust my husband and walk with me through the uncertainty that true restoration of our marriage started to unfold.

Just because I seemingly didn’t do things “RIGHT,” how could I doubt the plan God had for me? Through difficulty and perseverance, I now have a fully restored marriage, 3 beautiful daughters, and a stronger faith and trust in the Lord.

Likewise, God chose Mary to walk a difficult path. He chose Mary for the most important job in history, and because of her faith and perseverance, our Savior, Jesus Christ, came into the world.
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